I wish there was a handbook, a guideline of sorts, for life.
I wish I knew what I wanted to do for a living.
I wish I knew, with certainty, that there was a husband and children in my future.
I wish I had a a place to call home.
I wish I had a sister – an older sister.
I wish I could just understand.
I wish I knew that being in my mid-twenties was going to be so hard.
Isn’t it funny? Life, that is. I’ve been told that it’s okay to still be feeling it out. But, I have also been told that I should have a career by now. That I should be working towards a family.
I feel trapped. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
It seems that everyone around me has at least one of the following, if not more, things that I classify as happiness…
- Significant other (engaged or married…long term essentially)
- House – a place to call home.
And I have none. I feel like the 5th wheel, the odd one out, the loser, the failure. It feels like rock bottom keeps on getting deeper and deeper. Just when I thought I have reached to bottom, it moves out from underneath me.
To progress in the area of careers, I’m stuck in a “catch 22.” I need to go back to school and the degree and/or certificates needed…..but I’m already $54k+ in debt from student loans, and I refuse to take on any more. Or, I can change directions completely and go to a tech school on a full-ride scholarship, and attend classes full time for 1 year, but that idea is not wildly supported by those who area close to me. Or….so many different options. And apparently that’s worrisome to others.
I thought I would have it all together by now. I thought I would at least have a career by now. If I would have known that I had to have it all together by now….maybe I would have done things a little differently. Maybe.
I am just simply confused, and honestly, depressed, about it all.
Yet….life continues on. One fail at a time.